[Housekeeping - My post with Bumble dating advice for women can be found here (Bumble tips for women), if you’d like to scout out the competition. You’ll note, I didn’t cut the ladies any slack, either!]
Today we are going to look at ways for straight men to improve their odds in matching with women they may desire to connect. Although most of this advice can transfer from one dating app platform to another, for now, we are focusing on the dating app, Bumble. My advice will be blunt; no punches will be pulled. You might even get a good smack to the back of the head here and there!
If I didn’t think you could take the emotional hit, I would pull my punches. But I know you can take it and want to improve, otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading thebearspath.com!
Dating can be brutal. That’s the reality; there’s no point in sugar coating things. As a result, I find myself approaching the modern dating market with a healthy amount of modern day Machiavellianism!
“The employment of cunning… in statecraft or in general conduct.”
If seeing the above definition attached to a dating strategy makes you uncomfortable? Good! It should make you uncomfortable! Again - Dating can be brutal. The Disney fantasy of finding Prince/Princess Charming is just that, a fantasy! The faster you let go of fantasy and embrace the uncomfortable reality that is the modern dating market, the easier (and more successful) your dating path will be.
Before we get too deep, I want to make myself clear, all humans have value on a variety of social scales. I am not arguing anything else. However, our social, business and/or personal value (in general) and amongst out friends and family has NOTHING to do with how sexually attractive we are to others. Dating apps are all about attraction, which makes sexual attraction (chemistry) the life’s blood, beating heart of dating.
The majority of my dating experience has been as a post-divorce, middle-aged man, starting over after a 20 year marriage. After hundreds of successful dates and dozens of successful Bumble matches, thebearspath.com has the tools to make your profile stand out in a sea of mediocre men. (Personal dating profile consulting) Pragmatism is the key to dating success, and focusing on creating an accurate, effective profile is the path to attracting your ideal Bumble target!
YOUR TARGET
Personally, I enjoy the company of women that provide high “return value" and excellent compatibility. How I define “high return value" might look different than how you define “return value". Look hard at your presentation and then taking out anything that does not present a benefit for others, your target is to find a connection of mutually beneficial self-interest.
What do you expect a potential/ideal match to “bring to the table”? What qualities does she need to have, to earn your valuable time and attention? Be pragmatic, be practical, but don’t hold back or short change yourself. If a particular part of the dating market available choices are your favorite, find out what that type of woman desires and match your plans to attract that segment.
Now that you know your target audience, we need to talk about how to attract them!
YOUR TERRITORY
Your Bumble profile is your territory, your kingdom, your bear cave, your first impression. We’re going to talk about the “first impression” in a bit, but first we need to address the giant Kodiak bear in the room. You.
Remember that list of expectations and qualities you’re looking for in a high-quality woman?
Keep that list in mind and do us both a favor
At the end of the day, after surviving that conference call from hell, long commute, irritating phone call, late dinner, and unexpected semi-emergency, find a full length mirror and strip down. Now look at yourself. Really look. Be critical. This is you. Are you unattractive? Out of shape? Who can you attract, and why?
If your overall presentation is one that is slovenly, unpleasant, demanding, selfish, high maintenance, overweight, and out of shape, you aren’t going to have a very successful experience on Bumble. You must provide some value! Don’t expect the instagram hottie without providing value to them. Other humans are NOT players in a video game or characters in a novel; they are real humans with desires just like you. Stop being selfish and solipsistic, men do not have the role in life to afford this mistake.
You must recognize you are selling yourself. The advice to “just be yourself” is a disaster. You need to present the best version of yourself! Fantasy sells a lot of crisps, beer, video games, and porn. How can you attract any value without the intent to reciprocate or present more of value to in return? If you are broke, overweight, and have little to no charm, the choices and chances are very low.
This is reality and no matter how much of the “just be you” and “you deserve” BS you have had forced into your consciousness by TV brainwashing - you still have to maximize on that initial attraction. Convincing the weak and lazy “you are great just the way you are" makes a nice selling point for a mediocre TV talk show character, but it is not reality.
Again, your social, business, or personal worth has nothing to do with your sexual attractiveness! Let me put that in another way, you CANNOT choose who is attracted to you. You CAN improve and change things for yourself, but you cannot force another human to find you attractive. Your sexual attractiveness has EVERYTHING to do with initial attraction, and I have the experience and skills to improve your odds on dating apps like Bumble!
Giving yourself an honest appraisal and making a plan to maximize your presentation is the first step to creating a successful Bumble profile.
PICTURES
Now that we’ve taken an honest look at what we have to offer, it’s time to talk advertising. Time for a little more pain, because we’re going to talk profile pictures!
Your pictures suck. No, seriously; they SUCK!
Bumble is a meat market and you are competing with hundreds (possibly thousands) of other men’s profiles. That sucks; get over your soy poisoned self; prepare for the challenge!
Make sure your first picture is your best and sets you above and beyond your competition. The better the pictures, the better you look, the better the results. Do not look at your photos like a “man” - your target is women; you need to view your profile through their eyes!
Your profile’s first photo is the golden ticket to more matches! The card-game flip format of Bumble is designed to encourage quick decisions. Bumble forces women to contact aggressively! This works to the woman’s advantage in attracting a man. Your advantage is that the women are already invested in you by the time they contact you (winning)!
Your first main photo must be a great shot, showing your face clearly. While you may be told smiling is the key, statistics show (Happy Guys Finish Last: The Impact of Emotion Expressions on Sexual Attraction, Univ. British Columbia) that a self satisfied smirk or a look of concentration is most attractive.
Do not lead with any silly or stupid photo. Any friend or internet hack who said you can attract women with funny or silly pics is not helping! Ignore any advice that puts you into a juvenile-like spotlight. Women push boys out of their lady parts, not let them back in!
Pick a flattering angle. I am still shocked by how many men's profile pictures are from a camera propped on their dashboard - the perfect angle for a great view up their harry nostrils! Or have pictures with angles that cause distortion to their faces, or emphasize their least attractive features. Such a bad move!
Speaking of bad angles, the typical selfie taken in the reflection of a bathroom mirror isn’t doing you any favors. Ideally, you should have dozens (if not 100+) images to choose from and/or rotate through to keep your profile fresh and interesting. A mix of photos from friends, professionals, selfies, and activities you’re involved in are ideal. Another benefit of having a large assortment of profile photos, is that over time you can see what images get the best results (most matches) and use that information to your advantage!
“But I don’t like taking pictures!” - Ask me how much I care. Look, I cannot help you if you are unwilling to make an effort. If all you can manage is a handful of selfies, fine. At least make them good ones. Ask a friend for help with pictures. Have a professional snap lots of shots. Get the electronic files for your use. Often you can find part-time pros willing to work for very reasonable prices, go to a local park or great location and get that series of shots you can add into the profile.
Clean yourself up for your profile pics. If your hair needs a trim - get one! Pick out some great fitting clothes that make you and your skin tones look great and wear something that looks good on you that your mother or ex didn’t pick out. If you don’t know how to put together an outfit, a lot of department stores have personal stylists who will work with most budgets.
Profiles with a mix of head and body shots have more success, so do everything you can to include a few body shots in your profile! Even if you don’t like how you look, remember - you aren’t the target, she is! You can get matches that are similar to your dating market value when you have a well curated photo set - including full body pics. Don’t discount that some people prefer, or are sometimes even attracted to things you would not expect. People are often inexplicably more attractive in person than their accurate photographs. Hiding yourself in the photos is a bad long term choice, and will not help you. Honesty, and presenting yourself the best you can, is better than setting a potential date up for disappointment. This dishonesty could cost you in the actual dating part, yes reality can be cruel.
And for the love of Artaois, be accurate. Do not hide! “I have wrinkles, I’ll look better far away or with a blurry shot, or ten years ago - sorry, you are mistaken! Seriously this is annoying and unattractive to women and it is a strike against you. You cannot afford stupidity-based strikes against your profile. She will know that your photos are old or inaccurate or will find out - disappointment is a vaginal desiccant.
Should you include pictures of your favorite hobbies? Action shots? Shirtless images of your amazing prowess?
If you have pictures of dead or just caught animals and fish on your profile… well, this is a 60-40 thing, it will eliminate about 60% of all women, consider how many potential matches this can eliminate and adjust for your desired responses. Best to just avoid any photos of this type to increase your chances.
Having fun and activities with your friends or a team is great, but no more than one or two “action shots”. As for shirtless pics - only if it involves running, or a sport where YOU are involved in the activity. Example: an action shot in a kayak on a lake works. Do NOT use bathroom selfies, cropping out naughty bits. If you have well defined workout abs go for it. If you don’t have that .05% fitness level the consensus will usually be is “eeeew, beer belly” - remember that!
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