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Writer's pictureBriant

Surviving and escaping the female covert narcissist

Updated: Aug 7, 2022

The best way of avoiding a trap is knowing of the existence of the trap.





I am going to start by saying that using “narcissist” is far too common; mainstream media tends to focus this on manipulative and simplify selfish behavior. Now this behavior exists and damaged people with this maladaptive condition do exist, there is a very narrow definition of narcissist that exists. - they (narcissist) do exist and at about a rate of about 1 in 100 women by statistics. The myth of vampires was no accident, the vampires live among us and don’t suck blood but do drain the “supply” until you find the tools available to escape too freedom. The very myth of narcissus falling in love with his reflection and using this as a tag is part of the problem because the narcissist does not love themselves they are actually hollow empty creatures that feed from “victims” a codependancy known as supply - I have seen “narcopath” in replacement, but my own experience leads me to think vampire is more accurate.


As an evolutionary feature all humans exist on a spectrum of narcissism, the very selfishness that is at the heart of narcissism is needed to keep us all from throwing ourselves off the cliffs, or off buildings and bridges as evidenced by the fact that this lockdown stupidity has only resulted in an increase in suicide and thankfully not an additional thousands per day. All humans are some level of “solipsistic”; all narcissist are solipsistic, but not all solipsistic people are identifiably narcissists. Making all of this more difficult is that even professionals have a hard time identifying the narcissist away from the “borderline personality”. There you have the problem - cluster B mental and personality issues. I sadly have run into three narcissist while dating over the years, and recently have escaped from what I consider the most difficult to rout out. When you are a “service personality” - in the narcissist world you are a big swimming pool of a "honey pot" called “supply” and they will hone in on this and turn your protective nature against you quickly This is why you see so many men drained into empty husks and then discarded by divorce later, they often have been supply for decades and when empty of use the narcissist throws them away like the garbage they consider the “supply” to be.


Your first trick to surviving and recovering is understanding that your love for this creature was real and that there will be no “closure”, only narrow escape. Like stopping the smoking habit your healing begins when you stop. When you detach and are not being harmed (drained) daily anymore. The narcissist is suffering from very low self esteem, and personal worthlessness and recognition of their own parasitism. They starve when alone without a source having little to no value to others or themselves in the real world. You may even be tempted to want to heap compassion on this abusive person because of your care and love, but it is simply a greater waste of time, this type of abuser will destroy almost anyone foolish enough to love them, they ruin long marriages (more like long term slaves) and will even destroy any normalcy their own children may have. Often the victims of one or more narcissist parents create this as parasitism and self destruction is all that they know.


Also understand that this mental issue is actually “who they are” and you should understand that if you pet a rattlesnake, expect to get bitten! The narcissist is a natural parasite on your soul, play with the leach and you will be “supply”. Don’t blame them, they need help - but do not be delusional and think that being kind and “helping” will help at ALL - this is a professional issue and will take years of deliberate and conscious work to “fix”. Often this is exactly opposite of what they want, this maladaptive behavior is a cover and salve for a weak and damaged child mind., They will lash out if given the chance.


I have just recently had a medical emergency that ended up as a giant “fitness test” for people I know. This is where a narcissist will fail almost every time, and in my case the failure was so obvious that I had two separate therapist instantly identify the situation for me. Both were quite animate about “you dodged a bullet” in reaction as well as not being ruined over a course of thirty years of torturous slavery (some other weak passive aggressive sperg suffered that pain, thank goodness, patterns emerge). I was able to escape, accidentally even before I identified of the problem with this type of nosferatu, I liked and loved this person so much more before I undestood how dangerous and damaging this creature really were. Because I had a few set rules that kept getting tested and I continued to become more uncomfortable with the sadness and frustration complete lack of empathy and any attempt at understanding.


I am always up front about my background in a relationship including the possibly “bad” parts, honestly I do not come from the most “leave it to beaver” family. I am a struggling hick from the back-waters of Texas; I have always taken pride in my abilities to assist and help and provide. I was always trained “be valuable” to the family to be a “part of the family”, we “suit up” and grab tools when needed NOT beg for help “just because. It is a colorful past but not always comparable with that bigoted New York neurotic “better than all” hatred of “fly over morons” who are trained in pools of neurotic hate. The “butter in the kitchen” intrenched hatred and elitism. Personally, I ended up as the easy to use tall, hot, dumb cowboy that was exciting and served well but was degraded as “less than” socially, and “untouchable” to the typical coastal bigots, I was never going to be wealthy enough to fit in and provide that “supply” socially - that outside validation that is at the core of what the narcissist needs, and the only thing that they really care about, they are the natural actors and pretenders among us.


Never discount your own dumb luck! Years ago I had made personal dating boundaries about my family and children by a former marriage, it has always been an issue for many but I want peace and my own family doesn’t always translate to peace. So for my own enjoyment of any relationship I kept the stress out, some find this boundary odious and will dance too the boundary and promptly use it as a point of transaction. Also I did not ever want to again deal with a previous problem with attention and intimacy being used as a tool, that was my obvious and easy to enforce boundary.


Be wary of the constant “relationships are not transactional” phrase as a tool and the “I am a good person and a victim” false stories. I found that this is most often used by a narcissist to push my personal boundaries. Of course the narcissist will immediately start to turn the relationship into one of endless transactions. The narcissist often will have habits they develop if they have had a weak minded spectrum type passive aggressive source of supply in the past typically a spouse because that spouse is locked into what will be a special house of horrors and slavery. The narcissist will become a master of bleeding off resources and rationing attention and affection like a master of Machiavellianism. Narcissists are often born and trained by one or both parents who will be narcissists. The narcissist will never want to face the possibility of being responsible for any reciprocation in attention and in relationship attention, any “talk” about your disappointment will be faced with resistance and claims of “shallow” and other belittlement and trivializing. Your needs will never be placed into play as important.


Being careful and generous about kindness is energy for the sake of helping out the low self esteem of the narcissist, this is their fuel, all humans find politeness and kindness worthwhile in a relationship, but the narcissist will want all “the good stuff” and eventually not trade any appreciation for this deliberate kindness.


Being generous and careful about kindness is energy for the narcissist deliberate application of this for the sake of helping out the obvious low self esteem of the narcissist is their favorite snack, this is their fuel. All humans find politeness and kindness worthwhile in a relationship but the narcissist will want all “the good stuff” and eventually not trade any appreciation for this deliberate kindness. Constantly praising the worth and beauty of someone who is deteriorating in front of your eyes is just being kind to that person. This type of kindness will never be appreciated by the parasitic nature of the narcissist.


Remember that escaping the narcissist in and of itself is to heal - your life will improve the first moment of release. The relief is instant, you should expect sadness from the loss of your valuable time wasted, and the love you passed out without return. Your love is/was real, expect sadness from what you sunk into this black hole, rejoice in your ability to crawl out alive and capable of supplying yourself for once. Your only reward from the narcissist is to be discarded like the garbage they think you are at the end of your usefulness. Even then this is will be a huge improvement in your life.


Research the available materials. If you date, you will run into a solipsist. That is actually 100% of the human population, One out of every hundred women will be an actual narcissist so the red flags are:


One or more parents are narcissist, if you find this out, this is your first sign to be extra vigilant in behavior, and preparation for your escape should start immediately.


Consistently lying and then refusing to admit to even being “incorrect”.This will often be things of no real importance at first, What I noticed was a recent “I hope (fill in the public figure) catches covid and dies” when I pointed this out on three separate instances (because I was distressed) I was answered by “I don’t hate” and “I never said that” each time. What you need to understand is that what you or the narcissist think is never as important as what things look like to the “outside” because image is all that is important to the narcissist. Image and camouflage so that they can operate out in the open and not be criticized, their lack of self esteem cannot handle the criticism in the slightest.


Constant victim status, and an important “special” victim status that you cannot ever question. The politics expressed to the outside by the narcissist will always be more import than you can ever hope to be, exterior image will be everything, it is all a performance and you will need to understand the the “walking on eggshells” is standard for this personality disorder.


Lack of appreciation, no matter how much you are needed by your own family or work nor how much it cost in real money to placate their needs, you will never be enough nor do enough. Loss of a job - tough, figure it out, don’t expect any empathy! Death in the family- well just suck that up as well, can’t you see the pain they have from their own problems? When you recognize that what you have or do is not enough and any normal relationship would have some mercy. This is your warning.


They will claim “abuse” from a former marriage or relationship but be unable to accurately identify what the abuse actually was; (because of their own complicit nature) Often because there are so many men ruined and formed into “little emperors" this is the very long term paring to a socially weak and weak minded passive aggressive feminized coddled male with a lack of anger control. This type of man is often unable to control his own frustration and anger because of a life without control or discipline. Be careful about the sexual references like “It felt like rape the few times there was intimacy because he begged and finger wiggled like a mewing little kitten for scraps of attention!!! eew, ick!" That is clearly long term frustration from "pet training".


Training of significant others into pets (even children). If you gather from conversations that the narcissist has “trained” a former partner into a pet, pay attention closely. The typical weak, passive aggressive, coddled “little emperor” is completely unarmed for this training by a narcissist and will revert to “good little puppy” status over time. Training is most effective in its intermittent nature,


Consistency and stoicism is the end enemy of the narcissist. The reason healthy relationship boundaries are like silver to a vampire is that strong healthy boundaries do not allow for intermittent testing and incursion.


Problems with the offspring. Undisciplined, abusive, weak, "primed as supply", or simply entitled children. There will be one “golden child” who sadly will be trained to be “supply” and will be cursed to finding an equally narcissistic abuser and that will lead to a life of relationship slavery and misery. Undisciplined and passive aggressive males from this coddling (training for supply) parent tends to make more of the “little emperors” who because of lack of anger control will likely die virginal, being typically passive aggressive, abusive, and completely intolerable.



Sources you should look over:




"No matter how good a situation, the narcissist will screw it up eventually."







"They feign empathy and they are believed, but they feel about as much genuine empathy toward another human being as a turnip does. They’re less capable of genuine, heartfelt connection than a stray animal out on the street."
"Narcissists are so diabolical, their methods so foreign to those of us with a normal range of human emotions, that you may find yourself still thinking about them long after your last contact.
They deserve to be put out of your mind completely — and you deserve the peace of having them out of your mind."
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